Tip #4 Difficult kid? Manipulation and Reverse Psychology are your two best friends.

If you have a situation where your kid is acting difficult, give them a choice. In essence, give them the power over the situation. I used to have the worst time trying to dress my kids. They rejected any and everything I'd give them to wear. Then it occurred to me, let them choose what to wear. Now, when I say let them choose, I'm saying to "guide" their choices. I would let my son pick out his pants and then hold up two shirts for him to wear. Of course either shirt would compliment the pants. Give them a choice, don't give away the farm! Otherwise, my son would be wearing Buzz Lightyear pajamas complete with inflatable wings to the park. A little subtle manipulation will almost always work out in your favor. The kid is wearing acceptable clothes while thinking it was his choice. He now has a vested interest in what he's wearing. I do this everyday and have a 100% success rate.

Reverse psychology works great when you have two kids. In my case, one always wants what the other has, ALWAYS! When my son doesn't want to eat something in particular, I'll use his sister to get him to eat it. Just today, I tried to give my son some yogurt. Of course he wanted nothing to do with it. I simply asked my daughter, "Can Alex have some of your yogurt?" My daughter,being the way she is, answered as always, "NOOO!" So guess who comes running up with his mouth wide open. I pretty much got him to eat almost all of it. This technique works, but it definitely has a shelf life and expires before you know it. You just have to shovel as much yogurt into your kid before he realizes that he didn't want it in the first place. If your wondering how I let my son eat his sister's yogurt, I come prepared. I already had an extra yogurt hidden and fed her at the same time. It doesn't hurt to know a little slight of hand.

Practice makes perfect with both of these techniques. Pretty soon you'll have your kids begging you to brush their teeth and wear the clothes you want. Every time I pull it off, I think to myself, "These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along." I'd be surprised if half of you get that! Happy Manipulating!

Terror in the skies...... Children on Planes!

I remember, before I had kids, how much I despised children on planes. You know what's changed after I had kids? Absolutely NOTHING! I still despise kids on planes. Before having to fly with my own kids, I never used to be anxious before a flight, but now, I'm a nervous wreck. I keep having this vision of my kids screaming at the top of their lungs and having every person on the plane stare daggers at me. Ultimately, I'd rather suffer through an hour flight from Las Vegas to the Bay Area than drive 11 hours. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one suffering, and for that I'm sorry. We've been pretty lucky so far. At least I acknowledge my loud kids when it does happen, unlike those thoughtless parents that just ignore it. News flash, not everyone has built up that auditory tolerance to your kicking and screaming kids!

I've actually had a kid scream and physically kick my seat without so much of a glance from the inconsiderate parents. And, this kid was at least 5 or 6 and definitely knew better. The flight was fairly full and seats were scarce. Luckily, I saw an empty aisle seat behind the kid when I went to the bathroom and decided to take it when I came back. The rest of the flight was me entertaining myself by periodically tapping the kid's seat from behind. When the drinks were served, I took great pleasure in banging the hell out of that fold up tray table. When the kid finally complained to his mother, I pretended to fall asleep when she peered back between the seats. Never mind tormenting me, now she decides to take an interest in the kid. Childish and immature, yes. But I'd gladly do it again.... kid was a brat!

I'm courteous. Actually, more like neurotic and courteous. I try to take every precaution when we fly. We usually book super early flights so the kids can sleep through the whole thing. I'm talking about those flights where you have to leave your house while it's still dark! If the kids do wake up, I'll usually have them walk all the way to the terminal. If that's not enough, I'll have them run back and forth and really tire them out. Remember, this is like 6:00 in the morning, no one is around. If all else fails, I usually have about 15 pairs of earplugs for people sitting around me. If the kids start to scream, I'm pretty quick to offer them up. I once saw a mom give her 2 toddlers "sleepy medicine" right before boarding. I asked my wife if we could do that and she was quick to say "no". I asked what it was and she said it was probably Benadryl and we were not going to drug our kids. So, back to running back and forth. Oh well, at least this mom was mindful of others, which is more than I can say about most.

In the end, I can't blame small children, or even the parents if they make a consorted effort. Just remember that not everyone has your high tolerance for your kid's screams and antics. If you ever see a guy running his kids back and forth at the Las Vegas airport with earplugs falling out of his pockets, it's a good bet that it's me. Probably the only sure bet you'll find in this town!

Men's room changing tables; The Good, The Bad, and The Poopy

There's nothing worse than not having a place to change your kid in public. This is where a dad can really use a changing table in the men's room. Whenever I'm out with the kids by myself, I always have that fear of not having access to a changing table. It's a real hassle to have to walk all the way back to the car to take care of business. On the flip side, when I'm with my wife, I can get out of diaper duty by default if there isn't one around. It's always the same line, "Sorry honey, no changing table in the men's room. Looks like you're gonna have to take one for the team." That's right, I play the gender card when it suits me!

More often than not, I really need there to be a changing station in the men's room. Sahd or not, dads change diapers and need a place to do it. Who are the nitwits that design these bathrooms? It takes nothing to add a simple changing station to a bathroom. The thing folds right up against the wall. It's not rocket science. You don't need to be a tetris champion to figure out where to fit a folded up piece of plastic.

While I'm on the subject, how hard is it to arrange a bathroom? For the women reading this, you may take for granted the women's room arrangement. Stalls, sinks, and a changing station. That's what you're used to seeing. For men, it's quite different. We sometimes get ripped off in the stall department. There may be 3 urinals and 1 stall. Does this make sense? This may not bother some people, but it drives me crazy. Ever go to a friend's house who only has 1 bathroom. Ever go there on chilly night with about ten of your friends? See where I'm going with this?!? I don't know what's worse, the guy about to ruin his pants, or the guy in the stall listening to a guy ruin his pants. Anywhere in Vegas, I can tell you where the best bathroom is and how many stalls there are. Anyone who knows me knew that this rant was coming. Am I neurotic? Probably. But I'm not going to be the guy that ruins his pants!

Smoking Parents

Before I get started, allow me to give you a background on my experience with smokers. I grew up in a house with smokers. Both my father and grandfather smoked, in the house! There was usually a half full (I'm an optimist) ashtray next to the tv remote. My brother took up smoking, while my father continues to smoke till this day. My grandfather started smoking during WWII, back when they were practically passing out cigarettes to military men. Back then, even cartoons smoked. Look it up, it'll blow your mind! After 50 years, he gave it up, cold turkey. A year later, he was diagnosed with emphysema, which he died of years later. Did I mention that my brother STILL smokes! Even after all this? My grandfather, I can't blame, that was before all the research and the stop smoking campaigns.
That being said, here's my view on smoking parents. I don't know if it's because I live in Las Vegas, the smoking capital of the world, but I see it everywhere. It's like smokers are drawn here. Since they can't smoke indoors at home, when they land here, they just fire up. This must be what it's like to see a pothead land in Amsterdam. This leads to the abnormally high amount of parents I see smoking around their kids. I've seen parents pushing a stroller while smoking. Yes, really, and not just once. I've seen it so much that I just stop keeping track. They do that "courteous" move where they tilt their head to the side and blow the smoke, meanwhile the wind just blows it right back into their kid's face! I've seen the trifecta, the Holy Grail of bad parenting. Years ago, I saw a woman, playing a slot machine, sipping a cocktail, and smoking a cigarette......... while pregnant! Not belly bump pregnant. I'm talking one jackpot away from her water breaking. This lady was about to pop! And the award for the worst parent ever goes to...... the lady who drove her kids into the lake, but this chick was a close second!
I'm not here to preach. I'm not here to give you a bunch of stats. Everyone knows that you can twist stats and no one wants to listen to someone on a soapbox. But, let's look at some simple facts and do a little math. Smoking is bad for you and those around you. It is expensive. You stink as a result of it. You annoy every non-smoker within breathing distance of you. With me so far? Now the math. If you smoke 1 pack of cigarettes a day, that's about a $4 a day habit. That's $112 a month. $1460 a year. This means that if you stopped smoking the day you have a baby, you would have saved $26,280 for college on his 18th birthday. That's without compounded interest or inflation. Do you think your kid could use $26,280 for college? I know I could have. It would have pretty much paid for my whole education (I went to a state school). That's a lot of money! Let's say it again, $26,280. Wooooow!

If you don't have any kids and want to smoke, go ahead. You really only hurt yourself and annoy those around you. But, if you do have kids, you need to take a moment and really evaluate what matters the most. I know it's a hard habit to kick, but your kids are worth it. They would much rather have you around AND a fat college fund in 18 years. I hope that I can reach at least one smoking parent and be their wake up call. If not, oh well, I'm just one voice.

Get Out!

Just because you happen to be a stay at home mom or dad doesn't mean you actually have to stay at home. Quite the contrary. I take my kids out on little field trips everyday. Does it get expensive? Not if you do what I do! It would be easy to sit at home and park the kids in front of the tv. But that's a cop out and your kids deserve better. There's a ton of stuff you can do that's either super cheap or free. You just have to know where to look.

There's always the park. I know I talk about the park a lot, but that's because I'm always there. Why drive when you can ride your bike. I ride to the park with the kids attached to the back at least 3 or 4 times a week. Getting there is half the fun for them, when their not duking it out or seeing who could scream the loudest. No matter what's going on in the back, when you get there, it's go time. They're running around and jumping all over the place. Just remember to save enough energy for the ride home. I've made that mistake before. They fall asleep in the back while your legs are on fire and you curse the fact that you live uphill!

There's also the library. We don't go for the books since my kids trash every book they come in contact with. They don't know the difference between a checked out book or their own book. They all make the same sound when you tear out the pages! We go to the Enterprise Library for storytime. It's great. The kids are exposed to other kids in a learning environment while having fun. The one we go to not only does stories, but also songs and dances. The kids love it. Miss Lauren is great. She keeps it fun and moving, even when some of the kids act up. Just check with your local library for more information. And, please remember to take your kid out of the room if they start to lose their mind. If my kid is behaving, he won't be for long with your kid acting up, plus, it's distracting.

If you live in Vegas, this one's the best. After storytime, we drive about 5 minutes to the airport. Yes, the airport! There's a place to park and watch the planes take off and land. I pack a lunch
for the kids and bring their little fold up chairs. I back up to the fence and pop the back of my 4runner. The kids sit on their chairs in the back and eat lunch. About every 5 minutes, a plane will either blast off down the runway or come to a screeching halt. Either way, my kids go nuts. If you look real close when the planes take off, you can actually see all the sad people that lost their money. AWWWW. I make sure to tell the kids to wave, that might cheer them up.

Then there are the sporadic events that you just have to keep an eye out for. The local paper or bulletins will usually have upcoming events. Since my wife works for the school district, we can go to Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay for free the first weekend of every month for the whole year. Since this is Vegas, there's always some kind of festival or celebration going on. Every week, it's either the Italian festival or the hawaiian festival, always something. You can usually find discount coupons online for anything you want to go to that charges admission.

Take your kids out. They would much rather run around outside than sit at home in front of the tv. It's great exercise for you and everyone gets some fresh air. The real bonus is that your kids will sleep real good on these active days. There are some days my son just goes straight to bed, no fuss. Yes, it's possible. If the kids aren't wiped out when we get home, I'll literally run them up and down our court until they are. It's fun for them, it doesn't matter why I do it!

What's the difference between soda and cigarettes?

No one looks twice at a kid sipping on a soda. But, you give that same kid a cigarette, and all hell breaks loose! You'll see him on the news and the front page of Yahoo before he has a chance to flick his first ash. Both are terribly bad for kids. I'm no picture of perfect health, but that's my choice as an adult. I'm trying to live a healthier life. My children don't have that choice. As a parent, I make that choice for them. I choose not to give them cigarettes and I choose not to give them soda.

Here's where many of you are going to hate me, but it HAS to be said. STOP GIVING YOUR KIDS SODA!!!!!!! YOU ARE MAKING THEM FAT!!!! Remember when there was only one or two fat kids in class? Well guess what, now there are only one or two skinny kids in the class. Fat kids are the norm and no one seems to mind. Am I hating on fat kids? No, I'm hating on the parents who make poor food choices for them. I never saw a toddler jump in the car and drive to McDonalds. There is absolutely no reason for kids to drink soda or eat a lot of junk food for that matter. I'd be a hypocrite if I said that my kids never eat at McDonalds. They do, as a treat. But, my focus is for them to eat healthy and exercise regularly. Doing this now will set them on a lifelong course of healthy habits.
What does it say about our society that our younger generation will have a lower life expectancy than the one before? And guess who's fault it will be? Do you really want to have a type 2 diabetic kid upset at you because he can't have his usual 2 liter of Dr. Pepper with dinner anymore? Your fifteen year old will now be forced to make drastic dietary changes because you made poor decisions for him early on in life. Well, it's cheap and we're on a budget. Oh yeah, you know what else is cheap, water. I get a 5 gallon refill at the watermill for $1.50. Beat that with a big gulp!

You know who I see running around at the park all the time? Skinny kids. You know why they're skinny? Because they're at the park running around! I have yet to see a fat kid at the park. You know why? Because they're at home eating bad food and sitting in front of the TV. Kids need regular excercise. And I don't mean PE at school. If you're counting on the school to keep your kid fit, I have some beachfront property in Wyoming to sell you. Try this, after dinner, go for a walk. You can burn some calories and help digestion. It's also great family time. There's no TV around to distract you. You and the family can have a meaningful conversation. You bond as a family.

No matter how old your kids are, it's never too late to start living a healthy lifestyle. If you like junk food and soda, that's fine, you're an adult. But, don't let your kids fall into your bad habits. Set an example. Put down the soda and pick up some water. Put down the remote and pick up your ball and glove. Your kids will thank you for it. If you find yourself at the drive thru and handing your child a soda, just unbuckle their seatbelt and pass them a cigarette while you're at it.  Okay, that was a little harsh, but think before they drink.  Kids already drinking soda regularly?  This might help.  Pay it forward!

Caution, If your child is under 3 you need to read this!

What's yellow, inflatable, and costs $303? FLOATIES! If you have children under 3, you need to take notes. I put a pair of $3 floaties on my son when we went swimming this summer. As the day went on, they started to slip down his arm. So what do you do when that happens? Slide them back up, of course. Here's where it got ugly. As I slid his floaty up his arm, like I've done a million times, I dislocated his elbow. Did you even know you could do that, cause' I didn't. When I held his hand firmly and slid the floaty up his arm, his elbow dislocated due to the pulling of the ligament. This is called Nursemaid's Elbow. Apparently, kids under 3 are susceptible to this because their ligaments are still a little "springy." This can happen when your kid pulls away from you when he doesn't want to go with you. It can also happen when you and someone else are holding both his hands and you swing him as you walk. Basically, watch out for any jerking motion to your kid's arm. As they get older, their ligaments get more taught and this doesn't happen.
After looking it over, my wife decided that we need to take him to the hospital. Thankfully, there was no one in the emergency room and we saw a doctor immediately. This is why he gets paid the big bucks. This guy takes one look at it, bends it up, and pops it right back into place. My son went from a crying mess to a chill little boy in about 3 seconds. He told us about the condition and said that it happens all the time, basically telling me I'm not the horrible parent I thought I was for the last hour. And what did this little escapade cost us? $300! The doctor literally made $100 a second for the time it took to fix him. I don't know who was in more pain, me or my son. And, we have insurance. Imagine if we didn't! But, like any good parent, cost doesn't matter when it comes to your kid. I would gladly have my arm dislocated than have my
son in any kind of pain. So, BEWARE the $303 floaties! Those little arms are sensitive.